


Just Another Day at the Office

by TheAndromedaRecord



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Gertrude Robinson Lives, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Office, Office Shenanigans, Sasha James Lives, Workplace Relationship, but nothing gets worse than office pranks, elias is still a bastard, sasha goes to mexico, the magnus archives but all the stakes are way lower, tim stoker lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 21:56:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21288803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAndromedaRecord/pseuds/TheAndromedaRecord
Summary: The Magnus Archives is a horror podcast where no one is safe and everyone is in danger all the time.But here's the thing:What if it wasn't?
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 20
Kudos: 126





	Just Another Day at the Office

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this is dumb but it's also the canon i'm adopting from now on

“Okay, so—back up. Jane Prentiss trapped you in your apartment?”

“Yes.”

“And that’s where you’ve been for—“

“13 days, yes.”

“Jesus. Did she say anything?”

“Mmm-hmm, yes, actually. But it sounded super weird, like all the worms were speaking for her? Really slimy. You know I don’t mind spiders, but worms are way beyond—“

“Martin.” Tim interjected. 

“Right, right, sorry. So, uh, she yelled at me through the door.”

Jon sat upright, alert, and Martin was suddenly conscious of the whir of the tape recorder.

“She said, ‘Tell your Archivist he’s a little bitch and he needs to pay his taxes.’”

Everyone looked at him in shock, then Tim and Sasha burst into giggles.

“It’s not funny,” Martin insisted, the corners of his mouth twitching.

“Well, it’s probably not wise to fulfill the wishes of a madwoman full of worms,” Jon said drily. “If you’re going to…give me such information, please do so on your own initiative.”

———

Martin had never had a job before where his coworkers traded drinks, but the Institute was not a normal job. It had become a tradition: every Tuesday, Martin, Sasha, Tim and occasionally Jon went to the nearest pub and drank a tad immoderately. Now that Martin was free from his apartment, he was very glad to return to the routine.

“Shame Jon didn’t want to come,” he remarked. He’d missed Jon while he was locked away by Prentiss. He’d thought so many times while he was curled up on his chair, trying not to listen to the worms, how nice it would be to hear Jon’s voice, even if it was berating him for substandard research. 

“I bet you missed him,” Sasha elbowed him and winked.

Martin frowned. “Well, yeah, I missed all of you—“

“Oh, come on.” Tim, already tipsy, threw an arm around Martin’s shoulders. “We’re friends, Martin! You can discuss things with us!”

Martin took a slow, dignified sip of his beer. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“If you ask me,” Sasha said, “you can do better.”

Martin felt his cheeks grow hot.

“Yeah,” Tim added. “Have you tried Grindr? I’m sure there are plenty of people on there without a stick up their butt.”

“Jon doesn’t—okay, no. No! I know what you’re implying, and you’re wrong. I mean—he’s our boss!”

“Oh, please,” Sasha snorted. “Martin, I’m a researcher for a reason. You can’t pull one over on me.”

Martin buried his head in his hands. Tim gave him a comforting pat on the back.

“Hey, man,” Tim said. “Your taste in men sucks shit, but we’ve got your back for whatever moves you want to make.”

“No. No. Absolutely not,” Martin replied, his voice muffled. “No moves will be made. Now I’m going to finish my drink and forget this conversation ever happened.”

The drink was easy. The forgetting was hard. 

———

Martin didn’t know where Jon and Tim were.

They were right behind him, he was sure, until they…weren’t. Now it was just him and the tunnels, the pounding of his feet and his ragged too-quick breath. He was totally and completely lost. Martin had a fairly good memory, and he’d tried to keep track of his turns, but it was no use. Thank god his phone battery was full. 

Jon was okay. He had to be okay. Jane Prentiss was after him specifically, but it would be fine. Jon _had_ to be fine.

With a start, Martin realized that he could see light up ahead. Electric light. He ran towards it, heedless of any possible danger. He almost cried in relief: it must be the Archives.

But it wasn’t. The light was shining through a doorway. A doorway that definitely didn’t lead to the Archives. After a moment’s hesitation, Martin burst through.

A woman looked up from the book she was reading, seeming totally unsurprised by his entrance. With a start, Martin recognized her. 

“Ms. Robinson?” Martin blurted. “I—you—what? The fuck?”

Gertrude tutted.

“And I was so careful to stay hidden. Well, Mr. Blackwood, I’m sure you have questions. Pity you couldn’t wait until I finished this book.”

Martin looked at the spine and saw the words “Ex Altiora.”

“IS THAT A LEITNER???? WHAT IS GOING ON???”

Gertrude waved him off. “Mr. Blackwood, I would very much appreciate it if you could return to the Archives and forget what you saw here.”

“Jon’s been going absolutely bonkers about your death!”

“Hm. Always nice to be missed.” 

“You’ve been alive this whole time?”

“Yes, of course. Do keep up.” She turned a page. 

“Does anyone know?”

“Oh, no. Well, except Tim. We meet up for weekly kayaking and arson.”

Martin threw up his hands, walked out, and slammed the door behind him.

———

“Jooooonn,” Prentiss crooned. “You haven’t paid your taxes, Jooonnnn…”

Tim wheeled on him, furious. 

“You haven’t paid your taxes?” he hissed.

Jon went pale. “I didn’t know the Archive’s taxes were my responsibility!”

“Miss the returns, you get the worms, Joooonnnn…”

———

“This is bullshit,” Sasha said. 

Tim nodded his agreement.

“Straight out of the ECDC, and we’re already coming back in to give a statement?”

“You’re telling me.”

“You know what?” Sasha declared, “I’ve got plenty of hazard pay saved up. I’m going to Mexico for a few months.”

Tim downed the remnants of his pint.

“Power to you, Sasha. Take some pictures for me, yeah?”

———

_Has Sasha always been white and I just didn’t notice?_ Jon wondered as Sasha sat down to give her statement. 

He shakes away the sensation, the buzzing in the back of his mind. Of course this is Sasha. Who else would it be?

———


End file.
